For the Grief
This is absolutely my favorite time in life. No stress and everyday I wake up with a choice: what art project do I want to work on. I am philosophical about the things I can’t change, and deeply enjoy changing the things I can. I had to fine tune a lot of things: overhead, relationships, taxes, government interactions, and, of course, navigating art problems (but I love even the worst and disastrous art problems, and even the ones I never solve). Saying “no” was and is never a problem. I was born with stubbornness, my mom used to say, “You are the most stubborn child in the world!”
Given the lifespan of my parents and grandparents I think I have another 25 years of this creative lifestyle. Fingers crossed. But this year is very difficult for things I can’t change, and being philosophical about them is a complete waste of time.
In the last six or seven months my mom, brother, ex-stepmom, ex-brother-in-law, a friends’ son, a student, and a tennis buddy have died. I thought death was kind of once in a lifetime thing (unintended pun), but something accidental and extremely rare. The damn phenomenon doesn’t fit in with my stance towards life, existence, and artistic themes!
I am luckier than most as I can do art therapy, which I have not done yet as I have to shore myself up for the undertaking (another inconvenient pun). Funny, just now is the first time I thought of doing an art project about this period of mourning.
Decades ago, I did a series of mourning drawings, when my beloved grandmother, Edna, died, and a friend. A crazy backstory which I have mentioned here and elsewhere is for my first drawing I asked a model to pose for it, and he said “yes”, then explained his father shot and killed his mother, then turned the gun on himself. Fuck. That was an intense modeling session. -Drawing below.
I drew 15 drawings about mourning, one model was in her late 70’s. Originally I did the 1992 project because I was numb and didn’t feel anything, but doing sessions and drawings with the models giving me their best and bringing their own stories of loss, was cathartic experience and added greatly to my character.
This year though, I have been deeply engaged with my Space Series, and maybe I an homage to mourning in one of the next ones, again, just thought of that this second…
One consequence was I started drinking wine every night, not falling over or having hangovers, but still too much. And now I have cut that down by a lot. Unbelievably, I never associated it with grief until a month or two ago. That helped understand the context.
Right now, I have been restoring a favorite painting of mine, Venus (2008), she needed a thorough shellacking (groan), you see her on my easel behind me.
I have three Space paintings, with all the reference materials, in the queue, but they are about love, an Adam and Eve (two paintings, but share the panoramic nebula background, and a couple). I don’t know when I will tackle the next mourning series, but I will let the idea percolate and I will definitely honor it at the right time.
Michael, Idyllwild, California. 8/2/2025
Michael Newberry 